


Crawl up to my Room

by longhairandbarefeet



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-13 04:54:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4508592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/longhairandbarefeet/pseuds/longhairandbarefeet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU. </p><p>"Jon left her side after a few moments of silence and she watched him leave with a quiet thought playing in her mind. He was her stepbrother for only a few hours, and she already found herself utterly fascinated and irritated with Jon Stark."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'll miss you most of all...

She wore a pale peach dress with a high neckline and her hair pulled tight in a ponytail. Her mother told her that it would make her look older and more beautiful, but all she felt was constricted and wound up like a toy soldier her little brother Bran would play with. She was the maid of honor for her mother and was the only to stand beside her during the ceremony. 

It was Catelyn Tully-Arryn’s second wedding and hopefully the last. Sansa walked in her short heels up the aisle with a sullen expression, regardless of the occasion. She wasn’t thrilled that her father had only been in the ground just shy a year and her mother was officially remarrying. 

Sansa stopped and heard the wedding processional from the organ and instead of focusing on the bride, she looked at the groom. His name was Eddard Stark and while he didn’t hold the same esteem in the city as Sansa’s deceased father, he was well liked in the community. He had a clean-cut look to him and dark grey eyes to match his dark grey suit. 

The Stark’s had a thing for the color.

Sansa’s eyes naturally shifted and she focused on Eddard’s son, Jon. He was a few years older than she, only 14 and she 11. He looked exactly like his father. His hair was a dark brown and curly. It usually fell just above his shoulders, but it was cut short. Sansa assumed for today. His eyes were almost black and looked like tiny pebbles. Sansa eyed him, unsure of his expression. She had barely met the family and from what she did know of Jon was that he brooded and enjoyed reading Faulkner. This after fact coming from his tattered copy of The Sound and the Fury that he left at her house after a family dinner. 

She tilted her head at him and watched as his eyes spaced out during the ceremony until he looked up and locked eyes with her. He furrowed his brows at her and she responded with hers raised. 

Sansa could have been wrong, but as he turned away he had a ghost of a smile on his face.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Sansa didn’t have very fond memories of her father. Usually he was buying her things to make up for all the recitals he missed or trying to appease her tantrums when she deserved way worse than what was given. He was never around when it mattered. 

When her mother gave birth to Bran, he was away in Taiwan for business. He claimed it was for the greater good of the family, but it only left her mother in tears clutching Bran in her arms in a brightly lit hospital bed. 

Sansa sat in the armchair and watched her mother, silently promising that she would never be with someone who would make her feel like that.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

The ceremony went by slow and Sansa was silently cursing herself for wanting to wear the heels. 

She was seated at the head table and watched with sullen eyes as her mother and her new stepfather made their way around greeting and thanking the guests for attending the opulent wedding. Sansa visibly rolled her eyes at the thought because it was as opulent as every Upper East side event. The guests were used to caviar and Dom on the regular. 

“Sansa?” She was knocked from her shallow reverie and focused on the source of the voice calling her name. She saw it was Jon, her now stepbrother.

“Hello Jon,” Sansa took a sip of her water glass. “What can I do for you?” 

She was aware she sounded older than her age. Many people had talents, musically or intellectually, but Sansa had her well-worded courtesies. 

“I don’t know.” He stopped himself. He wasn’t known for his way with words, or for that matter expressing much of anything with words. He was the quiet type. “I just can’t sit over there alone anymore. It’s all just weird to me.”

“I can understand that feeling, big brother.” Sansa added the endearment with a soft sneer. She breathed out loudly. He looked at her and nodded.

“Seems we are in this together...” He responded. “dear sister.” Sansa looked over at Jon Stark, surprise written on her irate face and she gave him the gentlest of smiles.

Jon left her side after a few moments of silence and she watched him leave with a quiet thought playing in her mind. He was her stepbrother for only a few hours, and she already found herself utterly fascinated and irritated with Jon Stark. 

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Both families had penthouses on 5th avenue. Sansa’s parents had one of the biggest in the city. It was two stories and boasted five bedrooms. It also had a view of Central Park and the New York City skyline, but Sansa only truly enjoyed her bedroom out of the entire penthouse. It was a soft purple color and was the biggest room out of them all. Jon Arryn never could quite tell his darling daughter no. Sansa’s favorite movie was the Wizard of Oz and on the wall adjacent to her canopy bed was a mural of her favorite scene. It was the final scene where Dorothy says goodbye to her new friends. Sansa always began to cry at that moment, but only sobbed when Dorothy said goodbye to Scarecrow. Even at 11, Sansa knew that friendships like that were impossibly hard to find. 

After they got married and returned from their honeymoon, Catelyn and Ned wasted no time in moving all of his things into the Arryn penthouse. Sansa’s personal space was invaded, but she did get to keep one thing. Her bedroom.

“Big Wizard of Oz fan?” Jon said peaking in her room, a box in his hands. Sansa was sitting on her bed flipping through a magazine and she rolled her eyes.

“Nope.” 

He set the box down and walked in her room. “You’re pretty funny for an eleven year old.”

“I liked you better when you didn’t talk to me.” Sansa stood from her bed and approached him. 

“And here I was excited to have a little sister to torture.” Jon looked at her expectantly and raised an eyebrow. 

“Lucky me.” Sansa said crossing her arms and glaring at him. She wasn’t quite sure what kind of relationship she wanted from him yet. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
On her 13th birthday, her and Jon finally reached an understanding. 

Her party started two hours ago and no one had shown up. Sansa twisted the hem of her dress and tried to contain the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes. 

“Maybe they got the wrong day?” Jon said. He was sitting in the armchair reading Macbeth. Sansa groaned. Her and Jon had danced around each other for the last year and a half, only exchanging perfunctory remarks.

“Don’t be coy, Jon Stark. You know that Margaery Tyrell is a demonic whore who has boycotted my party.”

“Wow.” 

“What?” Sansa said irritated by his lack of emotion. They may not have been close, but he still showed signs he cared for her. He would always save her the last waffle when she spent too long getting ready in the morning, or making sure to DVR all the classic movies with Judy Garland in them. 

“Nothing, that’s just the most honest thing you’ve said since I have lived here.” Jon said laying the book on the coffee table and intently focusing his attention on Sansa. 

Sansa felt herself soften. She never truly defined their relationship over the last year. He wasn’t truly her brother like Bran was or a childhood friend like Robb. He was something in between it all. Something too complicated for Sansa to start defining. 

“Jon I know I haven’t made living here easy,” Sansa paused. “And I know I will undoubtedly regret saying this, but I like having you around.”

She saw the corner of his mouth quirk up and that he probably wanted to make some stupid joke, but he held his tongue and wore a full-blown smile. His eyes were smiling alongside his chapped lips. She felt herself looking at his lips, focusing on the soft pink of them and the slight crookedness of his pearly white teeth. 

“I like being around.” Jon stated evenly, and the smile still lingering on his mouth. “What do you say we eat these mini crab cakes, and steal a bottle of champagne from the secret cabinet?”

Sansa laughed out loud and responded with a swift nod. 

They spent the rest of the evening eating the 4-tier birthday cake and watching old movies. Sansa hated to admit it, but for the first time in a long time did she actually feel like herself. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
When Sansa entered high school, things changed for Jon and Sansa. 

They spent all their time together. 

Sansa was still the most popular girl in her grade, publically humiliating Margaery with a simple STD rumor and threatening the same for anyone who tried to embarrass her ever again.

She spent time playing Queen Bee and by the time school was over for the day she would walk over to Central Park to meet Jon. He was always sitting on a park bench near Bethesda Park, a book clutched in his hands. She was Queen Bee at school, but to Jon she was simply Sansa.

“Hello brother,” Sansa called for his attention. He looked up from the book with a smile. “Rereading The Sound and the Fury, I see. Don’t we have enough family dysfunction in our lives as it is?” 

She sat on the park bench and reclined, laying her head down. He fanned her hair over his lap and began to finger the warm strands. “What are you even talking about?” 

“Oh don’t act like you don’t know.” She looked into his warm eyes and he at her and suddenly they found themselves in one of those positions they always seemed to find themselves in. The compromising kind. 

Sansa knew she was looking less like a girl and more like a woman. Her breast were round and suddenly all her shirts gave her cleavage, and her hips were now defined. Her body that used to resemble a pole, now looked like a perfect hourglass. Her facial features becoming even more beautiful. 

She couldn’t deny that she didn’t love the ways boys were looking at her, and more specifically the way Jon had started to look at her. He had still continued to call her sister and rustle her hair when she irritated him, but the way he looked at her in her bathing suit this year told a different story.

“Know what?” he said continuing to run his fingers through her hair and she closed his eyes at the touch. Their parents loved that they had finally gained a good relationship, but little did they know it wasn’t entirely familial. 

Sansa couldn’t quite pinpoint when her feelings for Jon jumbled up even more than before, but suddenly she was imagining him leaning over and kissing her. She also found herself having dreams where he was touching more than just her hair. 

“Sansa?” Jon asked, knocking her out of her current thought. 

“Will you read to me?” Sansa said looking up at him and he looked back to her. He licked his lips softly and suddenly Sansa felt her mouth water at the sight of his tongue. 

“Absolutely.” 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
The credits rolled quietly and Sansa sat on the couch with tears rolling down her cheeks. The final moments of Dorothy in Oz were still playing in her head. She clutched her pillow and tried to remember the last good memory she had with her father. He never was quite present in her life, but she did like to think there were some good times. 

“The Wizard of Oz?” Sansa heard Ned from the entry way and she wiped her face quickly.

“Yeah.” She said. “It’s my favorite movie.”

“It is a classic.” Ned walked over to the couch and sat beside of her. “I saw it when I was a little kid and was really scared of the flying monkey’s.” Sansa looked over at Ned and they both began to laugh. They both stopped and fell silent for a moment. “I want to thank you, Sansa.”

“For what?” 

“For everything with Jon.” Ned continued. “I know he isn’t always the most verbose, but he seems more and more like himself since we have been here. I know I have you to thank for it.” 

“It is nothing. I enjoy spending time with him.” Sansa answered honestly. She wasn’t about to tell her stepfather that she had some questionable feelings for her stepbrother. 

“I hope we can be close too,” Ned continues. “I would never want to try to replace anyone in your life, but I hope that there can be room for me somewhere.” 

Sansa pondered his request. She tried to remember the different exchanges she had with Ned, they were all very topical and impersonal. She had no one to blame, but herself for that. Sansa looked at Eddard Stark and gave him a smile, hoping it was enough of an answer for him.

The very next day, Catelyn and Eddard Stark announced they were having a baby, and suddenly Sansa’s feelings for Jon became even more complicated.


	2. If I only had a brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa deals with the news of the baby and she sees something unsettling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't even express how thankful I am for the comments, kudos, and bookmarks! I love each and every one of you. I hope this chapter is up to par for you!

“So do you think it will be a boy or a girl?” Jon asked from the foot of Sansa’s bed. His back was leaning against it, and a MacBook sitting on his lap. He was finishing up essays for his college applications for the different Ivy League school he was applying too, Sansa always scoffed when he showed signs of worry. He was the valedictorian of the senior class, not to mention from one of the most distinguished families. 

“Who cares?” Sansa responded quickly, she was lying at the foot of her bed with a frown on her face. A European History book was open faced in front of her and untouched. She had midterms the next week, but she couldn’t focus on the Tudor family when her family was just as dysfunctional.

“Why not?” he looked over at her and continued. “I’ve always wanted a sibling.” 

“Um, excuse me?” Sansa felt unusually offended by that statement when she shouldn’t have been. “What are Bran and I?”

“Oh don’t tell me you think of me as the same as Bran?” He posed and she nodded slowly and looked down. She in no way thought of them the same. “I love you guys and wouldn’t want to spend time with anyone but you, but this new baby will be something that is a part of me. Genuinely apart of me.” 

Sansa didn’t quite feel the same about the new baby. It was something that would further muddle the situation going on in her brain. Sansa was someone who could lead a group of easily swayed freshman girls and have every guy in school she wants, but her mind never traveled to the things that came easily to her. Her thoughts were constantly on Jon and she couldn’t stop it. 

“I wish I could feel the same as you about it.” Sansa expressed. She really did wish all of her feelings for Jon were strictly brotherly and that when she looked at him she didn’t get that gut twisting feeling, but she always did. Sansa wished she could focus on boys more like Joffrey or Robb. Every time she tried she would instantly compare them to Jon. Robb was a genuinely good guy, and he had a bright future ahead, but he didn’t have the quiet mystery that Jon did. Joffrey was a confident mystery, but he was as dumb and wicked as they came. He came onto Sansa the moment she stepped through the doors of Winterfell Academy. 

“And why don’t you?” Jon asked. He was focusing on his computer and Sansa used this chance to lean on her elbows and run her fingers through his hair. She thumbed the soft black curls and the smell of his eucalyptus shampoo lingered in her nose. Sansa loved the moments when they could touch each other. 

“I have a little brother,” Sansa spoke softly and quietly, almost like she wasn’t in the conversation anymore, too focused on the task at hand. 

“Maybe it will be a little sister for you to torture.” Jon said turning towards her and laughing. She tugged at his hair roughly and he flinched. 

“I just enjoy torturing you.” Sansa said with surprise etched in her confident tone. She held her mouth close to his ear and breathed a warm breath. Sansa could see his skin react to her. The hair on the back of his neck stood up and tiny bumps formed on his arms. 

“Must you do that?” He said nervously. Jon rubbed his neck to rid of any evidence that she got to him and cleared his throat. 

Sansa hated when he did this. Hated that he couldn’t admit that she had an affect on him. The same kind of affect he had on her.

....

 

It was Jon’s graduation party when things went from complex to incredibly clear. Sansa had spent the better part of May planning a lavish party with her friends. Everything was themed with white and Columbia blue to show how happy and proud she was that he decided to not go so from home, from her.

“Margaery? Are those roses?” Sansa breathed out irate. “Cause I swear to God if they are I will remove every thorn and implant them into your skull.” 

“Sansa...I understand that you are stressed and want this to be perfect, but you need to calm down.” Margaery stated. Sansa was used to being bossy and angry, but today she brought that to a whole new level of violence and ferocity. “I will get the blue peonies from the caterers, they must have sent up the wrong flowers by mistake.”

Sansa walked around the penthouse in a continued frenzy. Jon was suppose to be there in an hour and a half, guest arrive in an hour. She had barely any time to look presentable. Her long auburn was pulled haphazardly in a bun and she was wearing her favorite sweatpants while she hustled around yelling at people telling them they were doing things wrong.

She rushed to her bedroom and threw open her closet doors, anxious to wear the floral blue dress she had picked out just for the occasion. It matched the theme and highlighted the blue hues in her eyes. It was also Jon’s favorite color.

She spent 45 minutes getting ready, lightly applying makeup and straightening her hair out. She slipped on her dress and put on a pair of her favorite ballet flats. In her mind she had made it up, she and Jon were going to figure out whatever the hell they were and he was going to stop avoiding the long glances. He was going to face this head on like she was prepared to do.

She descended the stairs and guests were coming through, she huffed loudly and prepared herself for a memorable evening.

....

 

The party started without a hitch. Jon had come in wearing his best blue oxford and a pair of dark jeans. Even with all the money he dressed like a common boy from Brooklyn. Sansa greeted him and everyone spoke his or her congratulations about Columbia. She beamed at each person as if she were the sun herself. With Jon beside her, Sansa couldn’t help but feel at ease.

“You did all this for me?” Jon said after everyone stopped paying attention to him and started paying attention to themselves. Sansa snickered and clutched her flute of champagne. How could he not know that she would do anything for him?

“Jon would it be possible for us to talk...” Sansa paused. “...In private?” 

“Of course.” He said with a gentle smile and he led her upstairs to her bedroom. It was always her favorite room, but with Jon there it had become more than just that. It was her favorite everything. Jon closed the door behind him and Sansa walked in and turned to see him studying her.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Sansa said tugging at the length of her dress. The dress fell just about her knees and made her long legs look even longer. 

“You look very beautiful tonight Sansa.” He spoke with confidence and Sansa felt her body quake with anticipation. She wished they would skip the song and dance of Jon and Sansa, and actually explore one another. She was almost 16 and every hormone in her body was screaming for her to grab his face and kiss those dry pink lips.

“I, well, thank you....” Sansa stuttered out and watched him walk over to her bed and make himself comfortable on it. She was one tiny person, but she had a king sized bed. “I know you like the color blue.”

“It is my favorite.” He said with a smile. Sansa sauntered over and sits beside of him, their shoulders pressed against each other. “Can I tell you a secret?” 

“Yes, of course.” She nods gently. 

“I’ve always liked the color blue because...have I ever told you anything about my mom?” Jon asked. He only ever talked about her when he had been drinking. Maybe he was more inebriated than he was letting on. Sansa pushed the thought aside and listened to him talk about his elusive mom. “I remember when I was little and my mom was struggling you know, with the different things inside her head.” Jon always called his mothers struggle with depression and bipolar disorder as things. He never delved into how truly disturbing they were. “And she would get into these moods where I would just avoid her like the plague, but then there were these other moods where she would do anything to make me so happy. One night when I was about 7 I was starving and it was almost midnight and a school night, but my mom wasn’t having it. So you know what she made me?” Jon said laughing softly. His eyes dancing with the memories he was conjuring up.

“What?” Sansa tilted her head to the side and ran her pointer finger down the length of his jaw. He closed his eyes at the touch.

“Blueberry pancakes.” Jon said breathing out and leaning into Sansa. He cupped her small jaw and smiled lazily before he pressed his lips to hers. Sansa felt like everything was clicking into place. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let his tongue slip into her mouth. He tasted like Newcastle beer and the blueberries he spoke of. Just as soon as it happened, it was over. “I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” He said standing up and losing his balance. 

“No. It was...” Sansa began, but Jon was already out the door and slamming it behind him. “...Nice.”

Sansa left a few minutes later after letting her lips lose the glow of his and letting her heart slow to the normal tempo. She couldn’t believe the events that just happened. She had kissed boys before, and maybe let a couple of them do more than that, but Jon just ruined all those experiences.

She walked downstairs and looked around, looking for Jon and failing. He wasn’t anywhere in site. The party was going just as she though it would, people were getting drunk and some were dancing on the coffee table. Sansa couldn’t wait to find out what the cleaning fee would be after tonight. She also knew parties weren’t Jon’s thing, but she wanted to do something nice for him. Maybe she should have gone for something more low key, more Jon. 

“Have you seen Jon?” Sansa stopped Robb from passing her. He was one of the guys she had kissed before Jon. He was her middle school boyfriend, the guy she would have married and raised his snooty sailing babies, but now Sansa was intent on having Jon’s literary broody children. Robb was a terrible boyfriend anyways. 

“I think I saw him go upstairs with someone.” Robb said. Sansa and Robb had always been close, even after they broke up. He wasn't fake and she knew he would always tell her the truth even if she truly hated it. 

“Okay. Thanks Robb.” Sansa said leaning in to kiss his cheek. He smiled widely at her. 

Sansa walked up the stairs and stood in front of his door pressing her ear to it. She listened intently and heard soft moans and shuffling of covers. Sansa couldn’t stand the idea of some other girl in his bed. This thought caused her to hastily throw open the door without knocking.

Inside was the biggest and cruelest nightmare of all, she saw Margaery and Jon on his bed half dressed with swollen lips. Jon’s eyes bulged at the sight of Sansa. She stood immobile while the tears threatened, but she held them back. She saw his hands on her breast and Margaery's hands in his hair and it made her angry. 

“Sansa.” Jon said reaching to find his shirt, his eyes clouded with the look of lust. It made her want to throw up. It was a look he gave other girls too. Sansa watched him struggle to button his shirt and then she looked at Margaery, a sinister smile playing on her lips while she lay there. Sansa knew this was payback for the last year and she seriously underestimated Margaery. She hit Sansa in the cleverest of ways and it was timed perfectly, unless they had been seeing each other and that thought made her even sicker. Margaery was just waiting and waiting, stealing kisses from Jon and fucking him with Sansa a mere 15 feet away.

Sansa fled from the scene and shut herself up in her room. She locked the door behind her and listened to Jon bang on her door, begging her to let him in. Sansa felt numb and foolish. Jon was supposed to be different from all the boys at school, but he wasn’t. 

He was the same and suddenly she felt alone again.

....

 

The party died late and Sansa spent the rest of the night thinking. She took a bath and cried, she cried amidst bubbles and lemon macarons that she had secretly stashed in her nightstand for this kind of occasion. Sansa never thought Jon would be the reason though. After her bath she watched The Wizard of Oz. She cried violently, more violently than before because she was certain, without a doubt in her mind, that connections like those don’t exist.

Sansa was a cliché. She was a teenage girl with a broken heart. 

....

 

“Sansa?!” Jon yelled for her after breakfast. Catelyn and Ned could sense the tension and it was probably the reason they decided to leave the penthouse for the night. Bran even found somewhere else to be, going over to his friend Jojen's to play video games. They all couldn’t stand Sansa’s withering glare and Jon’s puppy dog eyes. She could hear her mother saying to fix this in her head, but that was wiped clean with images of Jon’s tongue in Margaery’s mouth. 

“Yes Jon?” Sansa said saccharine sweet. She hadn’t ignored him, but she wasn’t herself. She was back to courtesies and Sansa could see it was eating Jon up. 

“I am so sorry.” Jon said. His voice catching and Sansa looked at him to see tears falling from his big brown eyes. “I feel so goddamn stupid.”

Sansa cursed quite a bit. She felt it was a vice that was worth having, but Jon never said a bad word. Sansa berated him constantly for it. He felt it didn’t elevate any argument, but Sansa had to disagree. 

“Why?” Sansa said looking past him. “Margaery is very beautiful and she may not be the smartest, but I do hear she is a good fuck.” Sansa watched him flinch at her words. 

“I, Sansa I, what can I do to fix this?” he stuttered causing Sansa to realize that this wasn’t a one time mistake and that Margaery and Jon were seeing each other behind her back. 

“Fix what?” Sansa stood from the couch and looked into his eyes. “I am happy for you Jon.” Sansa thought about Dorothy and Oz and said the one sentence that would sum it all up for him, show him how painful this was for her. “You found your scarecrow.”

“You can’t be serious? She isn’t who I want.” Jon growled and walked up to Sansa, he cupped her face gently and wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her close. “You know who I want.” 

“You don’t know what you want, Jon.” Sansa pushed him away. “That is always the problem. I am not scared of the way I feel for you, but you, you always ran from it. You pushed me away and I always thought it was because of our parents. It wasn’t though was it? It was because you wanted someone like Margaery.” Sansa breathed. “You wanted someone simple.”

“Sansa,” He reached for her again.

“I am not finished.” Sansa said angrily. “I wanted to fight for something complicated, someone complicated. You were that. You were deep and handsome, and I could finally be myself. I could be a better version of myself with you. I was so stupid, and I shouldn’t have expected so much from you, but I want to know one thing Jon? Why kiss me? Why kiss me when you have someone waiting in your bed?”

“I kissed you because...” he began, but Sansa stopped him immediately. 

“Never mind, it will hurt to much to hear what you have to say, so please save it.” Sansa said walking up the stairs. She expected him to follow her, but instead he stayed rooted at the bottom of the staircase, watching her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that went a little wonky, but stay with me! I have a few things in mind for them! Thanks for reading!


	3. No Place Like Home

Jon expected lots of things when Sansa found out about Margaery. He expected the silent treatment for a while, or maybe some of those clever bad words that she comes up. He expected those things. What he didn’t expect was for six months to go by, and her not even acknowledge him.

They exchanged pleasantries occasionally, and very few words, but the moment people left them alone in a room Sansa would pretend he wasn’t there. He would plead with her. He would quietly beg and attempt to make those bright blue eyes shine at him again, but they didn’t. They hadn’t in over 185 days, not that he was counting.

He never tried to contact Margaery again after the party. She made several attempts, but he ignored every call and text. She even showed up at his dorm, but he pretended he wasn’t home. Jon never truly understood why he had slept with her in the first place. She was pretty, smart, and convincing. There was also the benefit that she wasn’t his stepsister, but Sansa hated her. Sansa would say she didn’t, but Jon knew Sansa, and he knew that she did. So why did he do it? Why even hurt Sansa that way?

He couldn’t figure it out. It was something that plagued him. He would sit in his lectures and learn about poetry, true love, and redemption. He wished he could kick his own ass for hurting her like that.

He wished he could go back to that party and tell Sansa the truth: Since he saw her in that pale peach dress walking the aisle with tight lips and mean disposition, that he was in love with her.

“In love with who?” Jon’s roommate Sam asked looking over at him from his desk. They were both working on their essays for class before Thanksgiving break. Jon was more or less distracted by thoughts of Sansa.

“What?” Jon asked.

“You said you were in love with her... In love with who?” Sam was a round guy with a timid nature. It took him a month to warm up to Jon, but after that he couldn’t stop talking. He was a nice guy, but Jon never divulged personal information to him, especially about Sansa.

“A girl from high school, but I really messed it up.” Jon spoke honestly. He interlaced his fingers and ran his palms down his head. He rested them around his neck and shifted around trying to release the tension. He had been sitting in the same position for hours just thinking.

“What did you do?” Sam asked blatantly. Jon cleared his throat and prepared to tell him the story in full, but he pushed it away and gave him a more condensed version, which didn’t include the fact that Sansa was his stepsister.

“And yeah... what should I do?” Jon asked after spewing off a lot of information for Sam to process.

“You need to make it right.” Sam said and continued, “You obviously still love this girl and if you don’t go and try to fix this, you will regret it.”

“How do I fix this?”

“You’re smart.” Sam stood from his chair. “You can figure it out.” Sam walked over and slapped his shoulder the way his father used to do when he was younger.

“Where are you going?” Jon asked confused. They still had papers to write and tests to study for.

“I am going to the library. I can’t think when you already have all these thoughts swirling around in here.” Sam said laughing and shutting the door behind him.

Jon turned back around and tried again to focus on his piles of homework, but all he could think about was getting Sansa to forgive him. The thought of hearing her laugh again kept him distracted from finishing anything in front of him.

\+ 

Jon swung his bag out of the trunk of the cab, and shifted his coat around. He was home for Christmas break and after finishing the rest of his exams and he finally had time to think about what he was going to do to make everything right.

He walked past his doorman, waving a simple hello and pressing the elevator call button. Memories of Sansa were swirling around his head like she wasn’t already implanted there, but now they were getting stronger with each anticipated step towards the penthouse. He remembered when they were in high school, him making her giggle with some nonsensical story, or attempt to coerce information about gossip by tickling her. Jon heard the ding of the elevator and walked in, prepared to work hard for that again.

What Jon didn’t expect to see was Sansa on the couch with another guy. She had her legs wrapped around him and was pressing kisses to his neck. Jon wondered if this is how it felt when she saw him with Margaery. He only saw the back of the guy’s head, but when he shifted, Jon knew it was Robb. Sansa kept her eyes closed until Jon dropped his bag loudly, making Robb and Sansa jump apart.

“Sorry to interrupt.” Jon said forcing a smile. He walked to the couch and sat on the end. He watched Sansa and even though she was trying to pretend she wasn’t, he could tell she was completely satisfied. He could tell that she had planned it, planned for him to see this.

“Jon, you remember Robb?” Sansa said standing to shift the skirt of her uniform back into place and button the top of her shirt back up. Jon hated the idea of Robb touching her. He always used to imagine what the soft skin of her breast felt like and he was scared that he would never truly know.

“Yes I do. So...” Jon said looking to the floor and then back up to Sansa, she was still avoiding all eye contact. He waited until she finally looked and then it was like they were locked into staring at one another. “You are back together?”  
Jon watched the muscles in Sansa’s neck constrict and her lips compress into a straight line. Jon remembered what Sansa used to say about Robb: how he was handsome, but he was boring.

“We’ve been dating for a couple months now.” Robb interrupted the moment and stood from the couch to approach Jon. He stood staring, surprised. Robb stuck out his hand waiting for Jon to shake it and Jon took it.

“Congratulations.” Jon said finally. He kept his eyes on Sansa while shaking Robb’s hand. She was watching the interaction between the two of them with a perceptive smile. Sansa was definitely punishing him, and he hated to admit he deserved every bit of it.

+  
“You can’t hang two red ornaments that close.” Sansa said from the chair, she was untangling Christmas lights while Jon hung ornaments on the tree. He looked around and noticed people weren’t around. They had all gone together as a family to pick out the Christmas tree. It was one of Sansa’s favorite things about the holiday season. She always told Jon how the smells of blue spruce and fir trees were the only way she would acknowledge that the holiday season was upon them. 

“She speaks.” He said lightly laughing as he pulled the ornament from the tree and put it somewhere else at the top.

“Would you prefer me go back to not speaking?” She made the statement and he laughed a little louder, ecstatic that they were actually holding a conversation. It wasn’t much, but it was a step in the right direction.

“I like hearing you speak to me, even if it is criticism.” Jon said looking at her, and she huffed loudly, standing up and walking over to him.

“Were you raised in a barn?” Sansa said picking the ornament out of his hand and hanging it on the tree. “Since when can you not hang an ornament on the tree properly?”

“Maybe it was all a ploy.” Jon said putting another one on the tree. He took that moment to look at her. To watch the way the color of the fire in the fireplace danced off the red of her hair and how blue her eyes looked with the lights on the Christmas tree shining. He couldn’t tear his eyes from the way she looked. She was wearing her oversized sweater, the one that hung right below her hips. She was also wearing a tight skirt with a pair of black tights underneath, and he couldn’t stop imagining running his hand up her leg and seeing what he might find.

“Oh? What kind of ploy would that be?” She said arching her brow and crossing her arms over her chest.

“To have you stand this close to me again.” Jon said and Sansa looked at him, but if he thought she might have been affected, her face was emotionless just as quickly.

“Don’t get used to it.” Sansa said leaving him standing in the living room amongst half working Christmas lights and boxes of ornaments.

+

 

Jon laid in his bed that night thinking about Sansa and how she was only a wall away from him. He wished he could go over there and talk to her. He wished he could tell her how he couldn’t sleep.

He settled for turning on his lamp and reaching for his old copy of Faulkner. He flipped it open to the first page. Jon had read it enough times for the flaps to come off and somehow he felt with each reread that he got something different.

“You’ve read that a hundred times, aren’t you bored of it.” Sansa said to him one afternoon. (It was before he had fucked up and lost her.) He was running his fingertips through her hair and she was lying in his lap. It was one of their favorite positions when they were together.

“You can never get bored of Faulkner.” Jon said laying the book on the cushion beside him. Sansa looked up at him, waiting expectantly. “So you know the story, I’ve obviously bored you with it before. Well every time I read it I get something completely different than the first time.”

“How so?”

“Well, this go-round... I am a bit of a Quentin fan. He is nuts, more nuts than his brothers and they are pretty crazy. He is obsessed with his sister, Quentin thinks they belong to one another, and most of his thoughts that make any sense are about Caddy.”  
Jon cleared his throat. He remembered that feeling, feeling the same way Quentin had. He couldn’t think of any other girl at school because Sansa would infect him the way Caddy had infected Quentin.

Jon sat against the headboard of his bed and reread Quentin’s chapter before going to bed. He was still a Quentin fan.

+

 

“I think I am going to have sex with Robb.” Sansa said unwarranted while they were sitting in the living room together watching TV. Catelyn and Ned took baby Rickon and Bran to Rockefeller center. Sansa declined to join them and after that, Jon declined too. He was anxious for any alone time with her.

“What?” Jon asked. He laid his cup of coffee down on the table and furrowed his brows. Even when they were close they were never that honest with one another.

“Robb. We’ve been dating for a while and I think he would be the perfect person to lose my virginity to. What do you think?” Sansa said everything with the straightest face and Jon wished his ears didn’t work. Or that he was somewhere else. Anywhere else.

“Why are you telling me this?” Jon asked in a whisper. He watched her and she didn’t give away anything. He thinks she might have a promising career as an actress.

“Because we are friends now, right?” Sansa shrugged her shoulders.

“We never defined what we were.” Jon said poignantly. “I came home to you on top of Robb, your tongue down his throat, and now you are giving me on the details on whether you want to fuck him or not?” 

“We are what I say were are, Jon.” Sansa said venomously, her tone reeking with spite and anger. “You aren’t my brother, my boyfriend, the guy I fuck, and you don’t get to care if I fuck Robb because you fucked Margaery.” Jon felt some relief. There was still someone there, someone to fight with, and someone who cared more than she let on.

“How many times can I apologize for that?” Jon watched Sansa leap from the couch and head for the stairs. He followed her and reached for her arm. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I messed up.”

“It’s not enough Jon.” Sansa tried to pull away, but he only fought her harder. Jon brought her into his arms and clutched her tightly. She fought him at first, but eventually succumbed to his warm arms and pulled him closer.

“I am sorry. I am so sorry.”

 

+  
It was Christmas Eve and someone Sansa knew was throwing a party. She and Jon never really talked about what had happened, but she invited him to the party with her nonetheless. He waited at the bottom of the staircase for her to finish getting ready. He was wearing one of his best suits. He always thought he looked stupid, but Sansa insisted he dress up for the occasion.

“You look very handsome.” Sansa said, surprising him. She was standing at the top of the stairs and looking at him with a smile. It was the first genuine one he had seen in months and it was directed at him. She was wearing a floor length black dress that shimmered when she moved.

“You look stunning.” He replied quickly. “Where is Robb?”

“He got stuck doing something with his parents tonight. It looks like it’s just you and me.” Sansa said and Jon stuck out his arm. She looped hers through it and they made their way to the elevator.

+

 

Jon walked around the party and clutched tightly to his glass. Sansa immediately found people to talk to and abandoned him. Jon didn’t like these kinds of parties when he was in high school and hated them even more now.

“Jon.” He heard his name and whipped around to see a face he hadn’t seen in a while. “Avoiding me?”

“Hello Margaery.” He said finishing his drink and grabbing another from a passing waiter. It was champagne and he feared he would need something stronger. “How have you been?”

“Better now.” She said smoothly. Margaery placed her hands on his lapels and ran them down his chest.

Jon listened to Margaery for a couple minutes before seeing Sansa appear from behind her. Jon immediately removed her hands and backed away.

“A reunion?” Sansa asked holding a flute of champagne, he noticed the way her knuckles tensed. She was eying Jon with a raised brow, and he watched Sansa look at Margaery then. He didn’t know what happened with their relationship after the ordeal in May, but he assumed it wasn’t pretty. 

“We were just catching up.” Margaery said pleasantly, her hands were trying to find a spot on Jon to touch, but he inched himself further away.

“How romantic…” Sansa said drinking the rest of her champagne and walking away, leaving Jon and Margaery standing together.

“I’ve got to go.” Jon said politely, trying to figure out which direction Sansa went.

“Find me later.” Margaery said with a wink. He doubted it.  
+  
Jon found Sansa standing in the corner, she was drinking another glass of champagne. He pulled the glass from her hand and set it on the nearest table.

“Where is Margaery?” Sansa seethed.

“I don’t know, and frankly I don’t care.” Jon said it calmly. He wasn’t going to let his or her emotions run rampant again. 

“Bullshit. I am so tired of you pretending that you have always cared about me or that you have always loved me. It’s such bullshit.” She proceeded to grab the champagne from where he set it and finished the last of it.

“I do love you.” Jo said stoutly. “I love you so much I can barely fucking see straight.” Sansa looked at him surprised. She reached for his shoulder and clutched it tightly.

“Where have you been the last six months then, Jon?” Sansa asked and he rubbed his neck at the question. He was trying to give her what she wanted or what he thought she had wanted. 

“I tried to talk to you.” 

“You didn’t try hard enough.” She left him standing in the corner amidst people he didn’t know or care about. He had to follow her. 

+

It took him a minute to find her, but he wandered down a hallway and saw the back of her dress as she turned a corner. He chased after her and found her leaning against a door.

“Stop running away from me.” He said.

“Stop following me.” She replied curtly.

“Can’t you see that I can’t? I’m your little puppy Sansa. I’ve been that way since we were kids. I can’t just stop”

“Poor Jon...” Sansa said mockingly. She tried to leave again, but he pressed her against the door in the dimly lit hall, pressing his body into hers. “Let me go.”

“I couldn’t if I wanted to.” He said stroking her cheek and running his finger over her lips daringly. He thinks he may have had too much to drink. Sansa doesn’t flinch or turn away, but instead responded immediately to his fingers. She leaned into it.

“I’m still mad at you.” Sansa said tersely, attempting to pretend he had no affect on her. 

“I’m sorry.” Jon replied. He traced her lips again. He was trying to remember every ridge and curve, feel the softness of them. “What can I do?” 

“Shut up.” Sansa said and pulled his finger into her mouth, lightly licking at it. He growled at her and pressed his lips to hers fiercely. 

She grabbed him, breaking the kiss so she could pull open the door to lead him in. The lights were off and he was relieved to find out it was a bedroom, and an empty one. Sansa walked over to the bed and took her heels off. She also unzipped her dress and slid out of it. Jon was watching her, feeling himself grow hard at the image in front of him. She was left wearing a black slip and a sly smile.

“You’re so gorgeous.” Jon said charging toward her and kissing her again. He began to run his hands over her, deliberately, taking time to pay attention to the parts he never got to explore before. “Are you sure?” Jon felt himself ask before running his hands over her breast.

She responded with a kiss and he began rubbing her breast softly at first, but then getting a little more rough. He felt her nipples grow hard under his palms. Sansa then started to take off his clothes; she was quick to remove everything, throwing it in all directions of the room. He was left in his boxers, his cock pressing against them. She began to rub him through them and he trembled at her touch.

“Oh God.” He said slipping the straps of the slip off and watching it fall over her hips, and to her feet, hitting the floor. Jon led Sansa to the bed and laid her down. He climbed over her and took one of her breast in his mouth, playing with her hard nipple with his tongue.

“Jon, just like that.” Sansa said lying on the pillow, pulling at the curls in his hair. He continued until he couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled his fingers around the string of her panties and slid them down. He drank her in and watched as she pushed his boxers down.

“I didn’t bring a condom.” Jon admitted. He had wished and hoped the night would turn out like this, but he didn’t think it would happen realistically.

“I’m on the pill.” She shimmied herself higher on the bed, propping herself up. “Now come over here.”

Jon didn’t hesitate. He positioned himself over her, prepared to take something from her that he had wanted for so long. She guided him to her entrance, and with a quick thrust, he was inside of her.

“You okay?” Jon asked kissing her eyelids and then her lips when she nodded. Sansa reacted with a flinch while he began to try and move his body to find the right rhythm.

“Keep going,” Sansa said into his ear as he began to move in and out slowly, gradually picking up speed. At first, she wasn’t reacting, but eventually she was pressing her fingertips into his back and pressing wet kisses to his neck.

“Fuck,” Jon said, beginning to feel something strong coming. “You feel so good, love.”

Within a few thrusts, Jon could feel her tighten around him, her eyes fluttering closed as she began to scratch her nails down his back. Jon quietly prayed she would leave marks there. He watched her reach her climax before succumbing to his own, letting out a soft moan. He stayed inside her for a moment, kissing her lips chastely, before pulling out and lying beside her breathless.

They lay like that for a few minutes, but to Jon it felt like forever. He didn’t quite know what to think yet. A few days before, he had never thought he would get to touch her again, and then they slept together just moments before.

“Did we even lock the door?” Sansa asked turning on her side and propping her body up. He couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she looked after sex. Her hair wild and the sheet wrapped around her loosely. Sansa’s makeup was slightly smeared and lips swollen.

“Who cares?” Jon said leaning over and pressing a kiss to her lips. She leaned into it and began to lose herself again. She pulled away quickly and pressed her finger to his lips to signal him to stop. He kissed her finger.

“What are we, Jon?” Sansa asked seriously. He watched her and wished he could have answers. He didn’t know what they were. They were complicated. They were unconventional. They shared a sibling and their parents were married. They hurt each other, loved each other, and fucked each other. He didn’t know what they were, whether they were friends, lovers, or siblings. He knew that those lines had blurred and suddenly Sansa was somehow all three of those things at once.

“We are Jon and Sansa, my beautiful scarecrow.” Jon said rubbing his hand over her jaw and bringing her closer to him. She smiled at him, and kissed his mouth gently. The last kiss was the kiss of forgiveness, and it tasted the sweetest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank all the readers who took the time to read and leave comments and kudos! You guys are my favorite people!
> 
> I also want to thank lovely Mere for beta reading the final chapter and giving me wonderful advice on it! Thanks :)


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